5 Months Old!

Siena at a Glance:

• 16 pounds, wearing 9 month clothes
• size 3 diapers, about 6 a day. 
• eyes are still glassy blue, but I can see yellow flecks in the sun.  I'll be shocked if her eyes don't eventually change to brown. After all, Korean blood runs thick.  
• starting to exert her will (for example, throws a fit if we don't let her pull the leaves off of plants or turn the pages in the hymnal.)
• still exclusively breastfed.
• suddenly stopped spitting up so much. yay!
• able to roll from back to belly, and belly to back.
• takes 3 decent naps a day- 9ish, 1ish, and 4ish.  although by blogging that I probably just jinxed it.
• bedtime is around 7 or 7:30pm. 
• starting to recognize words.  I say "doggy friends" and she looks up, expecting to see her doggy mobile. 
• starting to show mild stranger anxiety, especially around men with beards. 
• at about 4 months, she stopped sleeping through the night and wakes up at 3am starving. kinda bummed, but I'm enjoying the precious time I get to spend with her in the middle of the night :)
• at least for now, she's a bit of a loner- content to play on her belly with a few toys most of the day. 
• easily overwhelmed in crowds.
• nothing makes her laugh more than Pesto and Basil. 

My Latest Read:  I'm reading this incredibly loooooong book by Australia's "baby whisperer" (Lacey, you'll appreciate that!)  called The Dream Baby Guide.  It's not your typical sleep book with some quick fix.  It's about completely changing the way you communicate with your baby.  So, instead of always asking Siena, "Should we change your diaper?  Is it time for milk?  Do you want mama to pick you up? Is it time for another nap?" I should be leading her through simple statements that fill her in on what's to come, like, "Say bye bye to toys, nearly time to change your diaper and then get ready for night night!"  I realized that because I often lack confidence in my mom skills, I always ask Siena to guide me.  She's young right now so it's ok, but down the road it could become a problem.  In just a few days of changing my tone, gestures and speech, she's eating better and not trying to roll away as much during diaper changes.

When I first started reading, I was so skeptical that babies can even understand all this.  But then I realized that these are the same strategies, more or less, used by my dog trainer!  He told me Pesto's aggression stemmed from the fact that he thought he was in charge of the household, and that's a huge burden for a dog to carry.  Our trainer gave us lots of rules- Pesto shouldn't sleep with us, he should walk through doorways after us, he should always heel and never pull on the leash during walks, always wait to eat his food until we gave him the ok to dig in, and we should never have to ask him to do something twice. I was amazed that in a few weeks, Pesto was a new dog.  Far from perfect, but at least not biting and growling!  If dogs can respond to these changes, babies certainly can too.  I'm only halfway through, but I highly recommend this book!  All the sleep information is at the very end of this massive book.  She did that on purpose, because her point is that if your baby is clingy, anxious, and impatient during the day, it's unreasonable to expect them to peacefully fall asleep in their dark room all alone.  I love her holistic approach to sleep.  Ok, baby just woke up, gotta go!

* edit: After re-reading this, I realized it might come off the wrong way. Just want to clarify that we won't be training Siena like a dog or never let her have her own opinion or choice about things. We just want her to trust that we're the parents and she can relax and be the baby! 

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Tree of Life

For the past few YEARS, Joe's waited for Tree of Life to come out.  I've walked in on him watching the trailer at least 20 times. He's explored every nook and cranny on the movie website.  He's read every review.  And a few months ago, the excited countdown til the movie release began.    He took a long lunch break the other day and watched it, practically the only one in the theater. It did not disappoint. He said it was the most painfully beautiful movie he's ever seen, and that having his own baby made it that much more haunting.  He heard it described in one review as "a love letter to the Creator."  Goosebumps!

I think it inspired these pictures he took of Sisi this weekend :)

We're hoping to find a babysitter and get out soon to watch it together.  Only problem is, Sisi's sleep has taken a turn for the worse lately, and we don't feel as free to leave her at 7pm when she's down for the night.  She recently learned to roll over, which of course we're thrilled about, but she just can't stop rolling in her sleep!  When she finds herself on her tummy in the middle of the night, she freaks out until I come rock or nurse her to sleep.  Trust me, I'm BUMMED that we've had to resort to these methods again, since she was putting herself to sleep just fine much of the time.  And when she was down for the night, she was DOWN FOR THE NIGHT.  Like 10-12 hours pretty much guaranteed.  The first few days of this rolling fiasco, she was waking 4 or 5 times.  The past 2 days it's been 1 or 2 times, so I guess she's getting used to sleeping on her tummy. But she's been increasingly crabby before bedtime (probably due to overtiredness), and cried in my arms for an hour last night before daddy took over and sang her to sleep.  This morning's nap was rough. She's at the point now where my attempts to soothe her are too stimulating, and I honestly think she's confused about whether she's supposed to surrender to sleep in my arms or not, since every nap and sleep is different. Eventually, I put her in her crib to get her frustration out. She cried/whined for like 3 minutes and fell asleep.  She's been asleep for an hour now.

So note to self, never blog about how great a sleeper your little one is becoming, because it's sure to bite you in the booty soon enough :(  Didn't want to have to resort to sleep training, but we're praying about it now. I fugure there's a lot of crying going on anyway (both her and me, sadly) we may as well put the tears to good use.  I know many people will disagree with me and that's ok.

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Hidden Perks of Mommyhood

1.  Dancing and singing to oldies in Trader Joe's is ok as long as there is a baby strapped to you.  Looks like I'm just lulling her to sleep when really I'm grooving for me and me only :)

2.  No need to feel guilty wasting gas and taking joy rides.  If baby is sleeping in the back seat, and you know she'll wake up as soon as you turn the engine off, then it's ok to take a wrong turn and drive through the canyons with the windows open.

3.  Motherhood gives you time to think.  Especially when your easily distracted baby needs to nurse in complete silence- no phone, no TV, no nothing.  Yes, I spend plenty of time with me, myself and I.  Wish my brain wasn't so fuzzy these days!

Totally off topic, we finally weaned babygirl off the miracle blanket swaddle. I had this silly sack shipped all the way from New Zealand after reading tons of praises about how it helps with the swaddle transition.  The night it arrived, we simply replaced the swaddle with the Peke Moe, and she was able to fall asleep on her own in the crib.  She stayed asleep for most of the night, waking up just once in the early morning (she's been doing this lately, even when swaddled. 4 month sleep regression, anyone?)   I was so nervous that whole night, thinking she would wake up in a panic.  But when we peaked in the nursery, she was sleeping peacefully, stretched out like a starfish enjoying her new freedom.  I highly recommend the Peke Moe!

She looks like a baby shark.

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Random Recent Reflections

I have two obsessions: constantly checking and posting in a forum of mommies with babies born in January, 2011, and tracking Siena's naps/nursing to the minute.  While both those habits have done me some good, I've decided to take a little break from them.

The forum, while being a wealth of knowledge, is kind of a time-waster, and tends to bring out my insecurities as I compare Siena to what all the other 4 month olds are doing.  So what if she hasn't rolled over yet?

The purpose of the obsessive tracking was to help me understand Siena's natural rhythms and get to know her sleep and feeding cues better. And it really has helped me be mindful of giving her enough sleep/feeds.  But it was also my foolish attempt to bring order and predictability to our days.  Frankly, recording the chaos of our life in minute detail does not make it any less chaotic. So for now,  I'd rather stare at my baby than stare at my smart phone.

After trying in the beggining to have NO schedule/routine with Siena, and then trying to fit her into a "perfect" schedule, I've decided to park my behind somewhere in the middle.  Consistency whenever possible and a respect for her natural rhythms, but goodness gracious the ability to relax and go with the flow because she deserves a mommy who's not insane :)

The picture above is Siena's first visit to our favorite restaurant in Thai Town, Hollywood.  We stopped there for a bite on our way back from a friend's wedding in Santa Barbara.  I made the bouquets and bouts- so much fun to handle flowers again!  Of course, it took me 1 1/2 days when it used to take me a few hours.  I only had Siena's little 45 minute naps to work with.  Siena did marvelously on the trip, sleeping much of the time on the way to and fro. I nursed in parking lots.  The wedding was in the middle of the wilderness, but she's a sturdy little thing and held up just fine.  We left the wedding early because I was nervous about how she might sleep in the hotel.  We brought her swaddle, moses basket, and night night doll, and set her up under the desk with a dark blanket draped over it.  It looked ridiculous, but she slept 10 hours straight and woke up happy :)  Had I tried to stick to our "schedule", that weekend would never have happened.

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Modern Glam Wedding Shoot

I was worried that ending The Treasured Petal meant losing touch with good friends in the industry.  Turns out I had nothing to worry about!  I love taking part in styled shoots to keep up with what's new in the wedding world and give me an excuse to hang with my industry buds.  Thanks Christina from Simply Modern Weddings and Trista from Trista Lerit Photography for reaching out and asking me to provide some funky accessories. The theme:  Modern Glam Tron-inspired Wedding.  I had to wikipedia "Tron" since I don't watch TV and am living under a rock :)  It's a science fiction film from the 80s, with an arcade game and video game that followed. 

I hand stitched this tulle and rhinestone hat, and added a black bow with vintage crystal brooch.  I actually created it to face forward with the tulle veil along the eyeline, but thought it was fabulous how Carina from Flawless Faces flipped it and used it as a fascinator to accent the side-swept 'do. Cocktail hats are so versatile, so whatever works with the look!  Real brides can easily steal this idea- face the hat forward with the veil in front for the ceremony, and flip it for the reception. 

Carina also incorporated my tiara headbands into the bridesmaids' updos.  On the left she is wearing the Milky Way Tiara (made of milk glass beads- soon to be listed on etsy!) and the right the Mercury Glass Tiara.

And I have NOTHING to do with the decor for this shoot, but I have to give you a glimpse at this insanely cool ceremony setup.  Inviting Occasion, way to rock it! I thought making hats was intricate work, but goodness, a huge grid made of straws?  Too awesome.

A big THANK YOU to Green Wedding Shoes for featuring this shoot here! Check it out for all the gorgeous details and full vendor list.

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FOUR MONTHS!!!

Ok, if this is one of SiSi's famous 45 minute naps, she's due to wake up in approximately 5 minutes, so I'll make this quick.

This morning Joe took these pics of her at exactly 4 months.  We are officially out of the newborn stage, and I'm always waking up thinking, "What new things can Siena do today?"  She really is growing up fast. I really can't resist her!

In your opinion, is she starting to look more like the hybrid image we made before she was born?

I actually think our hypothetical baby looks way more asian than Siena does. 

Wow, I just realized that Siena is still asleep.  SCORE!  Catnaps are so annoying, especially when you have this elaborate ritual for each one.

Have a lovely weekend!!!

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Missing Dad

Tomorrow, May 16th, is my dad's birthday.  I remember exactly how we spent it last year.  We all met at Lucille's BBQ and ate way too many biscuits with apple butter.  I gave him an iron gym and a workout outfit to encourage him to keep up his physique :) I was barely pregnant.  In fact, I don't think I even knew I was pregnant at that point.  It seems like just yesterday, really. 

And now he's gone.  He died unexpectedly last August.  When I found out, my whole body went numb, I couldn't breathe, and I collapsed to the floor outside a sushi restaurant.  I feared I would never ever be the same again.  I guess I'm not.  I've definitely grown from it, and learned how important it is to be there for people in their grief. I read and reread every sympathy card that was sent to me numerous times, just clinging to words to help me survive. You better bet I send sympathy cards now!  I never used to before.  I think I'm more compassionate. I'm less surprised when tragedy strikes, and quicker to fall on my knees and pray. 

But on a day to day basis, I do feel like myself.  Life did go on, and I've made it out of the heavy grief stage.  But the grief does come back from time to time.  Last night I cried, wishing my dad could hold my beautiful baby girl who definitely has his nose and his smile.  At his graveside service, we sang the hymn "Rock of Ages Cleft for Me", half the crowd singing it in Korean and half in English- it was sooo hauntingly beautiful. When I hear that song, I inevitably break down.  I imagine this will happen for the rest of my life. 
. 
Missing you Dad, and wishing so badly that you could cuddle with your grand daughter on your birthday. 

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