Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Sisi is 2 1/2 now, and we finally have that urge to start trying for another baby. If any of you remember, I had a really hard time adjusting to motherhood. I may have had undiagnosed Postpartum Depression (or else a really intense and long-lasting case of the baby blues). In planning for another child, it's not necessarily the childbirth part that freaks me out (it was brutal but also exhilarating, and I am confident in my birthing abilities!) I'm more freaked out by the thought of those anxiety-ridden newborn months. I also worry I will feel major guilt for bringing a baby into Sisi's world. I know a sibling will be good for her, but I do fear the growing pains that come along with it.
Knowing full well that I may refuse help and take on too much in those fragile first months, I've made a contract with myself to accept help. I drew this contract up now while I'm clear-headed. I asked Joe to sign it as well, just so he is on the same page :)
1. I get to see an in-home lactation consultant pretty much immediately. Last time, my doula and midwife thought Sisi was nursing well, but I was in horrible pain and had cracked, bleeding nipples. Turns out, she was sucking me like a bent straw and barely getting anything. So next time, I'm going straight to the expert to check and make sure things are good in the milk department.
2. Housekeeper will deep clean the house every 2 weeks. This is a must! I like a clean, serene environment, especially when my life is chaos.
3. Babysitter (could just be a family member, friend, or teenager from the neighborhood) will play with Sisi whenever I need a break, or just want one-on-one baby time. Likewise, I want to be able to spend one-on-one time with Sisi, too, so a loving grandma to watch the baby regularly would be swell!
4. This time, I won't quit therapy just because my schedule is crazy and unpredictable. Squeezing in a 50 minute skype or phone session every few weeks is non-negotiable.
5. Last time, I lived on eggo waffles and frozen yogurt, hardly paleo fare (and hardly conducive to healthy breast milk!) I wonder now if my poor eating contributed to my mood and anxiety issues? Next time, I'll hire a paleo meal service to bring meals if I'm too worn out to cook.
I realize that these conditions might make me look spoiled or weak, especially to older generations of moms who were able to handle handfuls of kids without much help. But, I know myself and my limits. I regret not being able to enjoy Sisi as a sweet newborn because I was so miserable. If there is anything I can do to help prevent that, I sure will.