One Year Ago...

... there was a giant blowup jacuzzi heated up to 98 degrees in my living room.  I was reading InStyle magazine in a bubble bath, trying to calm my nerves.  I had your first outfit- a tiny little cap, onesie, booties, and like 20 receiving blankets laid out in your empty nursery, just waiting for you.  I wasn't 100% sure I would meet you tomorrow, but let's just say I wasn't surprised when you started break-dancing in my belly, getting into primo position. Then that night, my water broke. I was so focused on giving you a peaceful and calm entrance into the world (Sorry I screamed and hollered so loudly! It wasn't your fault.)  I couldn't begin to comprehend what life would be like with you outside of me. 

You immediately went to sleep cradled in my armpit.  I had no idea what I was doing and my mind was racing with what ifs, but you still felt totally safe in my presence. Because I'm your mama.  I'm the mommy God gave you (I used to repeat that to myself all the time because it didn't seem real!) That night, you slept bundled up between me and daddy, breathing quick, newborn breaths.We didn't sleep at all. "Her nose is whistling, her breathing is irregular.  She keeps moaning! Should we call the midwife???"  But you were just fine, your lungs were getting used to dry Winter air.

My dear, sweet Siena, it's been beautiful.  Both of us have had our cranky moments and meltdowns, but we've had so many intensely wonderful "rainbows shooting out my butt"* moments too.  And there are the times when you are sleeping, and daddy and I come quietly creeping into your bedroom just to see what funny position you've landed in.  We study your peaceful face, your quiet breathing in and out, and your chubby onesied body sleeping in snow angel position atop a pile of stuffed animals (moo cow clutched in your hands.) A warm feeling comes over us, and our heart literally hurts a little, just stretching to hold all the love we have for you.  Sometimes we creep into your bedroom two or three times.  Yes, we are stalkers, in the best possible way. 

My sweet almost 1 year old daughter, you are truly a gift from God.  May this next year be filled with lots and lots of belly laughs and "rainbow butt" moments ;) 

Love,
Mommy

*Yes Sisi, I said the word butt.   It's just, sometimes I feel so much joy it's like riding on a rainbow.  Best way I've heard that feeling described.